The "Girthers"
(Satire)
Honolulu, Hawaii-With all the talk and controversy about Obama's birth certificate and uncertainty over whether or not he is a natural born citizen, there is one group of conspiracy theorists that get overlooked: the "Girthers."
The "Birthers" believe that Obama wasn't born in Hawaii and instead was born in Kenya or Indonesia and they cite their proof that nobody has seen his actual birth certificate (despite evidence to the contrary). But the Girthers have a theory for this: Obama was never born.
"It's obvious," states the Girther founder Derrick Nutt and founder of the website World Nutt Daily "he was never born. He must still be in his mother's womb." Nutt also believes that Obama's mother Stanley faked her death in 1995 and is still pregnant after almost 50 years. Nutt explains, "Science has allowed 60 year olds to get pregnant, she would be 66 today. She must have been given a drug to stay pregnant all those years."
But what about all the millions of sightings of Obama throughout his entire life? Nutt has a theory on that also. "Holograms. All those sightings of Obama must have been made by holograms. It's brilliant, it's the greatest hoax since the moon landings."
The Girthers have already put up billboards and have blogged on the issue. One of the Girthers showed up to a townhall meeting for her representative with her placenta in a bag and had everyone in the audience stand up and say the pledge of allegiance. CNN host Lou Cobbs has brought up the Girther issue every night on his show, but has stopped short of completely believing it. Other politicians have humored the issue and have tried to pass resolutions requesting the president to prove that he was born.
But whether or not Nutt and the Girthers are full of crap is moot, what is important is the implications of the theory. If Obama was never born, he is not a natural born citizen and he can't be president. If Obama can't be president, than every decision he has made the last six months can be overturned. One soldier even sued Obama to get out of combat cause he believes the president isn't legitimately allowed to send him.
But according to Nutt, there is one thing Obama can do. "His mother can come out of hiding and can stop holding him in and he can be born today, than he will be a natural born citizen."
But with this there is a catch, "Obama would have to wait 35 years to be able to be president. This is why I think they are covering this up and refusing to tell the truth. Until then, we will be ruled by an illegitimate hologram, and to me that's just crazy."
-Albert Cirrus
No comments:
No trackbacks:
